Okay, we all know this topic can get a little heated between couples, family members, even the twice removed cousin who you’ve not seen since her little gremlin was born - 6 years ago. But don’t stress! We have a few hot tips/emotional words to get you through it! There’s somehow become this pressure around who you’re inviting and trying to make everyone happy. At the end of the day, yes this is a celebration where you want everyone to enjoy themselves BUT it is also a celebration of love, between you and your partner. YOU are the one forking out the money, YOU are the one who looks back on the day for years to come and YOU are the only person you truly need to ensure is comfortable with who you’ve invited.
We hear way too often how “mum says I need XYZ to be there”, “yeah he was my old neighbour growing up and he will be offended if I don’t invite him”.. stop the pressure and think about who you want to be there to celebrate on the dance floor with at 2am, cause I sure don’t think it’ll be the old neighbour...
Make some ruthless rules
Take a deeeeeep breath, turn the phone off, grab some wine and sit together to be realistic. It's time to go through your dream list and be realistic. The easiest way to cut the list is to come up with rules and actually stick to them. We promise it'll be easier in the long run and you'll avoid potential drama down the line. What do we mean by "rules"? Here are a few common ones:
Rule 1: If neither of you has spoken to or met them or heard their name before, don't invite them. Rule 2: Not crazy about inviting children to your party? Don't feel bad about having an adults-only wedding. Rule 3: If neither of you has spoken to them in three years and they're not related to you, don't invite them. Rule 4: If there's anyone who's on the list because you feel guilty about leaving them off (maybe because you were invited to their wedding or they're friends with lots of people who are invited), don't invite them.
Venue Limit
Venues have their limits which will be one of the biggest key elements as to which venue you choose - something about the sardine effect comes to mind! Prior to finding your venue - we would suggest you have your rough draft guest list and bring the number along so you can see what it may be like with the estimated number. One key thing to think about is not to see the venue limit as a burden but instead a welcomed restriction and wake up call.
Costs
f you've chosen a venue or caterer who charges "per head" you need to ensure that the 100 people you've initially thought of inviting fits within your budget. The price of $85pp may seem amazing until your guests list jumps to 150 and next minute you're paying $12,750 for food alone.
Give it time
It's not going to happen over night. We would suggest you write 3 lists each, revisit them a month later and revise. You could do this a few times over a few months or even prior to your engagement, after engagement and prior to planning - the more revision of a list, the less emotion you will have towards it. You may currently have 15 colleagues you really want to invite although in 3 months time you've changed jobs and you haven't spoken to 8 of them!
Children
Children at a wedding can be its own touchy and stressful subject. It is absolutely YOUR decision and is a complete PERSONAL choice! They will obviously add to your guest numbers and in some family circumstances you may have no option. Inviting children can change the dynamic of your day, guest list and price. so it is ultimately up to you but we would suggest to make it clear on the invitation whether they are, or are not invited. If you do have a lot of your guests with young children and you know it may be hard for them to come along if they cannot bring their children. A way we would suggest around this is to offer a "nanny" service where either you pay or your friends can all pitch in.
Plus Ones
Adding a plus one to your single friends invitations can increase your overall wedding guest list numbers. Feel free to be ruthless, or you could adopt the phrase that they use over in America: No ring? No bring! Meaning that your friends who aren’t engaged or married shouldn’t expect to receive an invitation with a plus one. Obviously this is situational for you but if you are looking for a way to reduce your guest numbers, then this could be a way to think about it. We have all been invited to a wedding and the boyfriend we have misses out - at least you know you'll most likely be put on the singles table with fellow people missing their other half??
We cannot stress enough that this is YOUR day. People will most likely be offended if they are not invited and really thought they would be but a quote from our friend Dr Seuss which we like to repeat on the regular is "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind". Those that you do invite are those who truly mean the world and if there are a few you can't invite due to budget or whichever other reason, if they value you then they will understand.
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